The 1 Big Idea:
- Always make the other person feel important and appreciated by being a good listener, giving genuine compliments, and never criticizing.
Reading Length: 4 minutes
- 1: Don’t scold , condemn and criticize
- 2: Make them feel appreciated sincerely
- 3: Arouse and see what they want
Principal 2: Smile
Principal 3: Remember Someone’s Name.
People are proud of their names. Build a system to remember someone’s name. Write down the name and remember it clearly. If you misspell their name, it will backfire.
Principal 4: Be a Good Listener.
Many people prefer good listeners than talkers. Most people are too worried about what they want to say next during talks. People who talk only themselves only think of themselves. Ask questions and encourage them to talk about their accomplishments. Talk about things that interests the person the most.
Principal 5: Talk in Terms of The Other Person’s Interest.
Ask yourself: What is it about him or her that I like? You can give genuine compliments to others. For example, telling someone “I certainly wish I had your hair.”
Principle 6: Make Them Feel Important.
Always try to make the other person feel important and appreciated all the time. Include little polite phrases such as “I’m so sorry to trouble you.”
Principle 7: Avoid Proving Someone Wrong.
You can’t win an argument. Suppose you prove them wrong, you have hurt his pride. Our first reaction is to be defensive but be careful of this! Build bridges of understanding and apologize for your mistakes.
- Ask yourself:
- Could my opponents be right?
- Will my reactions draw them away?
- Is this difficult situation an opportunity?
- If you want to change their opinion, do it subtly such as saying:
- “I thought otherwise….but I may be wrong”
- “Let’s examine the facts…”
Principle 8: Listen to Other Opinions.
Our self esteem is usually threatened when told we are wrong. When someone expresses their beliefs, we immediately react with our opinions. Judge people of their opinions not by your own.
Principle 9: If You Are Wrong, Admit it Immediately.
When proven wrong, admit that someone else is right immediately. Don’t defend your mistakes.
Principle 10: Get The Other Person to Say “Yes, Yes.”
First convince someone that you are their friend. Begin with appreciation and compliments before your request. Keep emphasizing the things you both agree on.
Principle 11: Let The Other Person Do The Talking.
Don’t interrupt and listen patiently. Only talk about yourself when asked. Let your friends excel you since they’ll feel important.
Principle 12: Let The Other Person Feel Ideas is Theirs
We usually like to be consulted and not told what to do. Make the person believe that the idea is theirs with open questions and suggestions.
Principle 13: See From Others POV
Ask yourself: How would I react if I was in his shoes?
Principle 14: Be Sympathetic to Others Desires
Feel sorry for the poor devils. Give them sympathy and they will love you. Turn hostility to friendliness. Delay and be polite in response to rudeness
Principle 15: Appeal to Their Noble Motives
Give a role or responsibility for the other person.
Say things like:
- “I believe you’re a man of your word.”
- “Please don’t take a picture of me, my mother doesn’t like it.”
Principle 16: Dramatize Your Ideas.
The truth has to be dramatic. An example of an act of dramatization is proposing on knees.
Principle 17: Throw Down a Challenge
Work needs to be exciting and interesting. Challenge your competition.
How to be a Leader
Principle 1: Begin With Praising
- “That is a great speech but…“
- “I believe you to be a great soldier and have good confidence but...”
- We’re really proud of you for raising your grades “BUT” may negate it so be careful
Principle 2: Point Out Mistakes Indirectly
- “You might consider this way…“
- “Maybe you can consider this…“
Principle 3: Talk About Your Own Mistakes
Admit that you have made mistakes too. Admit one’s mistakes before someone points it out.
- “You have made a mistake but I have made much more as well“
Principle 4: Ask Questions Instead of Giving Orders
Asking questions to someone will make them accept it more if they think they have been in participation with it
- “Is there anything we can do to handle this?“
Principle 5: Let The Other Person Save Face
It’s not unusual to make mistakes especially if someone has lack of experience. We only destroy their ego when we make them lose face. Try to let them save face.
Principle 6: Praise the Slightest Improvements
Praise instead of condemnation. Make the praises specific and genuine. Nobody wants flattery.
Principle 7: Give Them a Reputation to Live Up To
Act as if the reputation is their greatest reputation.
- “I’m going to make you the leader.”
Principle 8: Use Encouragements
Let other person think you have confidence and faith in them.
- “You have a natural flare for bridge.”
- “You’re a natural dancer.”
Principle 9: Make Them Happy With Doing Something
Always make the other person happy about doing something you want. Give them a title and give them sense of authority. Make them feeling of importance
- Rule One: Don’t nag
- Rule Two: Don’t try to make your partner over
- Rule Three: Don’t criticize
- Rule Four: Give appreciation
- Rule Five: Pay little attention
- Ex: birthdays, dates, and breakfast in bed
- Rule Six: Be courteous
- We’re more polite to strangers than our own family
- It is ironic those closest to us hurt us
- Rule Seven: Read book on sex and marriage
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